As a child, I used to pray before going to bed, always asking for good things to come for my family and for peace in the world. I stopped praying a long time ago. Having to wake up every day to witness devastation and anguish across the country and the world makes it difficult to believe in anything. I still hold onto the hope that there’s something good out there. I may not be able to tell you what that is or what it looks like, but I believe I’ll always have a complicated relationship with religion.

Culturally, faith and religion are an integral part of Mexican life and identity, and that will always be a part of my identity. From my own experiences, I’m not sure that prayer solves anything. I think what truly matters is having the mental and physical strength to overcome a dark place and emerge stronger.

If god is real, he knows how much I wanted to believe in him.